I haven’t posted in awhile. And it doesn’t seem to matter much. I wanted to worry about that, but I just can’t. My ego started to protest, claiming that it “means something” and that it must be figured out right away.
Was blogging just a phase?
Do I want to quit?
Do I still not know who I am or what He wants me to do?
Did I run out of things to say?
I’ll tell you, my dear ego, what it means. Absolutely nothing.
Yet, it proves absolutely everything I’ve been learning.
It’s. Not. About. Me.
Sometimes we have to step back from the world and just watch it continue spinning to realize that we are not the ones spinning it.
We are not keeping everything in balance on our own.
The world is not collectively holding its breath, anxiously waiting for the next profound thing we have to share.
It will not collapse without our awesomeness being in the middle of it.
That thing you are losing sleep over?
There will come a day when it’s just a memory.
That job you are killing yourself over?
It’s only a job.
That direction you are certain was from God, but now looks like a dead end?
It’s simply a stepping stone.
That assignment you tried to do for Him, but you spilled failure all over it?
It was nothing more than practice and preparation.
That opinion someone crushed you with?
If it is God’s opinion, it’s conviction for change, not the thing that defines you.
If it’s not His, it doesn’t matter.
Now, before all the egos unite to stage a mutiny against this concept, let me clarify. I’m not saying that I do not matter at all. I’m not saying that you do not matter at all. I’m not saying the world doesn’t need leaders, or we are never called to action, or we are so useless we may as well do nothing.
I’m saying it’s good to take a breath sometimes and just remember Who gives you that breath. That talent. That gift. That job to do. That calling.
It’s right to obediently wait patiently for the next clear instruction.
But mostly, it’s necessary to stop and focus only on Him. To learn more about Him. To absorb how much He loves us while we realize that He doesn’t even have to, but He wants to anyway. To just be in awe of this amazing, spinning creation with the humility that you are one of the smallest things in it.
And even so, He looks at you like you are the most beautiful thing He’s ever made. You. Just you. Not your list of things you normally do to keep your world spinning. Hardly.
Doesn’t that make you want to just stop and stare at Him? The paradox that you can’t possibly matter but that you absolutely do – don’t you need to take days away from your routine to wonder how can it be and how should it change you? Can we even comprehend why the Most Powerful and Eternal God of the Entire Universe showers our tiny little existence with His love, mercy, and grace?
He is infinitely amazing.
And that, my dear ego, deserves a time-out to contemplate and praise Him. The list of blog posts will have to pile up. The questions about meaning will have to go unanswered. The busy I created will have to yield to the full attention that belongs only to my King.
Seriously, who cares what I was doing – I just want to sit at His feet.
Will anyone even notice besides Him?
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”
~Psalm 139:13-14 (ESV)
“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.”
~Matthew 10:29-31 (ESV)